Unpleasant Memories

Today I’m thinking about MEMORIES.

I’ve been noticing something happening in my spiritual life.
I think I’m on the path, walking in the light, and yet I continue to have memories of the way I was in the past. I’m reminded of a time when I was particularly selfish or hurtful.

These are memories I’m not proud of.

I thought it might be the evil side trying to drag me down, reminding me of the type of person I REALLY am on the inside. But then I had another thought that turned the whole thing around…

What if recalling these bad memories is a way of bringing them back to the surface so that they can be dealt with properly, once and for all?
Am I being given an opportunity to “process” my past?
A spiritual sweeping and cleaning?

I’m curious if this happens to others.
Are you ever reminded of a bad memory when you think you are on the right track?
If this is intentional, probably the WORST thing we could do when we are reminded of something unpleasant, is to try not to think about it.

Isn’t our first impulse to mentally try to sweep it back under the rug and forget about it?
Or, we rationalize it by minimizing our fault.
Or, we trivialize the memory by saying we are so much better now.
Or, we use the approach of blaming it on the bad guys by saying,
“Get behind me, Satan”
because we don’t want to think about our failures again.

Don’t do that. 

That approach is a form of excuse.
Maybe we ARE better now, thank God, but I think we are misinterpreting what is really happening if we shy away from these memories.
Face them.
Embrace them.
Apologize for the times we have turned away from what is good, and be thankful that they are now being brought into the light.
When we are really on the path, we are open to being washed clean.

If part of that process is being reminded of the times we have failed, that is our opportunity to repent. When a bad memory comes to the surface, I could say something like this: “God, thank you for reminding me of this, for giving me another chance to deal with it. I know I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I pray that my behavior didn’t cause someone else to stumble.”
and if I suspect that my actions DID cause someone else to stumble, I pray for THAT person, “God, PLEASE don’t let my failures keep this person from being with you”.

Anyway, I’m not trying to tell anyone WHAT to say, but I’m encouraging you to take advantage of these opportunities. Our activity in the world has spiritual implications.

Admit the failures and apologize for them.
Own them.

Recalling memories can be painful and embarrassing, but since I began responding in this way I don’t see my memories as a form of criticism and persecution anymore, I see them as a gift.

Less bound to my past.
More free for whatever comes next.

Thanks for sharing this time with me,
and may God bless you

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